Post-Buildum Depression

(NOTE: The bulldog in this post is Molly. She's one of the many animals who let my friends Sheila, Kenda, Bubba, Reyna and Pilar live on their farm. Sheila and Kenda feed me scrumptious homemade meals. They are all VERY good to me!)

We’re in the home stretch—gads! I used a pun. I HATE puns! (They’re the lowest form of humor, in my opinion.)

Let me start again, since it was supposed to be more of a softball analogy and not ‘low’ humor….

The train coming through the tunnel with its headlight blazing has stopped on the tracks. No. That ain’t it neither.

How’s about: The House is coming along nicely, and while there are still some loose ends, the endurance test that is being a Homeowner/Builder for your pal in New Mexico is nearly over. Aside from the house being ‘done’, so will my heartache, roller coaster anxiety levels, retirement funds, inheritance, pride and self-esteem. Y’all, I’ve made so many mistakes on this adventure of mine I can hardly stand to live with myself. So much for analogies.

But, being a true, hard-headed woman born under the sign of Aries, I’ll figure out some way to salvage at least the last two lost items. Arian egos are just too big to allow one to wallow very long in that mire. Unless it’s chemically influenced.

So, the update on The House: The crew was expecting to leave this weekend and are doing a bunch of touchups and little detail jobs. They thought they were going to be able to be done this past Weds., but, no. Now they won’t leave until Tuesday morning. Unless Skyler decides to pop out of Felicia. That’s all I need is a medical emergency and a birth of a child on the land.

The list is shorter: Finish the Powder Monkey Room (garage bathroom) (UPDATE 10/25: DONE.) “Float” the floors (one last going over to smooth out some of the irregularities) and…that’s about it, I think. For the crew, anyway. The propane line still has to be laid, and the boiler and some plumbing connections done, as well as the electrical finished up; but for the on-site crew—they are finito banditio.

The wood stove (I have to quit calling it a fireplace) was installed yesterday (Friday), and I just HAD to ‘cure’ it with its first fire. While they were still finishing up the install of the wood stove, the kitchen cabinets arrived; they will be installed manana. (UPDATE 10/25: DONE!) The vanity doors, save one (missing) false panel, were installed when the cabinets were being unloaded, so that’s (almost) done. Door trims were done, including the closet in the master bedroom, which doesn’t have a door (I’ve explained that reason before.) And a bunch of other stuff that I don’t even have the desire to list.

I did sleep in the master suite Thurs and Fri night, and will tonight and forevermore. The replacement ‘air chambers’ for the Sleep Number bed arrived Thursday evening. Even though the overnight temp on Thursday was somewhere around freezing, there was only a slight chill in the house. An electric blanket kept me from complaining about it. Tonight should be toasty warm, with the smell of wood smoke licking the air.

I know I should sound more excited, but I just can’t. The anticlimacticness of this whole event is overwhelming. There’s still plenty that can, and will, go wrong, and I don’t think a single one of you would dare suggest such platitudes as: “Just be patient” or “Think positively” or even, “But you have such a wonderful house to show for all of your time, money, heartache, trailer-trash living experience.” There’s just so much one can take, and I’ve taken more than I ever thought I could, so there just ain’t no room for no mo’.

But, I have to, don’t I? Take more. I have to take more of it. Therefore, I feel no joy. I barely smiled when the wood stove went in. I didn’t even come out of The Tin Can when the cabinets arrived; I waited until the guys were ready to leave before I ventured into The House to see what they looked like and to be polite and say thank you to them.

I hate feeling dead. And, truly—I’m feeling dead.

Sad, huh?

I still have to mix, haul and spread road base around the outer doors, get some rocks removed and landscape, to a very small degree, all around the structure. I can’t really do that until the propane line is in, inspected, and backfilled. The propane guy shanghai-ed me today saying he’ll come lay the line IF I buy the propane to fill the tank from his company. WTF?! What can I do but say yes? He’s giving me a decent price, but it ain’t the best price out there. He’ll be out this Thursday.

I’m actually hoping a couple of other propane guys will be out here either before him, or at the same time, then I’ll let them duke it out amongst themselves, or just say what they’ve all said to me: “Oh. Sorry.”

Heh, heh, heh. THAT visual brought a smile to my face!!

Oh, and the Christmas vacation is a no-go. I’ll be short when it comes to paying the rest of the bills owed on The House, never mind the closing costs, etc. See why I’m not so excited? I’ve poured so much into building this place, only to fall short. It’s not fun being me right now. And there’s no untapped financial source left for me to go to.

As much as I don’t want to end on a bummer note, one of the main reasons I decided to chronicle this house building experience on a blog was so that all the elements could be fairly well recorded in an honest manner. Well, here ya have it; post-buildum depression.

I think I’ll go buy my major appliances now (UPDATE 10/25: DONE)…I have to have a working stove and kitchen sink in before I get the Certificate of Occupancy issued. The sink won’t be able to be installed until the countertops are done and in—about a week to 10 days from now.

Since Sundays are a day filled with no place to go, I’ll go buy some lottery tickets and a few scratchers….

Maybe I’ll be happier, and richer…manana.