There’s No Place Like Home

OK, so I’m a couple of days premature with the sentiment expressed in the blog title, but, REALLY, what’s a day or two when I’ve been living in “Oz” for the past 396 days? Since I’ve now actually done the calculation, why not move in on the 400th day? WTF?

Y’ALL!! I’M MOVING INTO THE HOUSE THIS WEEKEND!!!

To my most loyal readers, I wouldn’t mind at all if you popped a cork over this, ‘cause you’ve labored over this (kinda sort, in a way, but not really) as much as I have. Go ahead, get the celebratory beverage of your choice, unwrap the cigars, put yer feet up, get randy with your S. O. (s) and find a nice little cave-like hollow somewhere in your house and pretend that it’s all brand new and virginal.

Naw— even I can’t fantasize that deftly. Well, ok…yes, I can, and so can/are you;)

For those of you who have been kind enough to take this bumbling, stumbling, nightmarish travail across uncharted territory with me by just viewing the pics of the journey—you can only indulge in a photograph of some celebratory beverage of your choice. Karma, y’all. Comes back and bites in ya in the butt every time. j/k—Party along with the rest of us. It’s not like the rest of us would ever know that YOU’RE CHEATING. Ha!

The latest pics are fresh as of yesterday. Today I shoulda/coulda/woulda taken pictures to be the freshest I could be in my updatedness, but…I didn’t. Neener neener. I’m the blog wench and I get to make the rules and post the pics. Technically I shouldn’t be moving in at all since there’s no official Certificate of Occupancy issued yet, but FUCK ‘EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!

I’m only moving in basic essentials: Bed, sheets & blankets, some clothes, EVERY TOWEL I OWN, washer, dryer and my toiletries bag. I can make the trek to and from TTC for stupid shit like the microwave, food, cervesa, some buried-in-the- Mesozoic-layer-of-paperwork receipt that suddenly needs unearthing, garbage bags, laundry, milk, cheese, tortillas and the like.

Breaking down the bed and making it look like it’s just being stored in the garage is a snap—it’s a Sleep Number bed and is nothing but a king-sized bed of k-nex-type plastic planks, a couple of air-bags-on-steroids air chambers and an air pump. My clothes and towels I can just toss on the floor and no inspector in the world will ever see them there, given the gender of most inspectors. Crafty, eh?


Here’s the lowdown: The master bathroom is completely tiled, the tub, shower and toilet are all hooked up and useable. The vanity gets installed Friday. The hot water heater is in, but the propane may not be done until Friday, Saturday, or Monday at the latest.

The master bedroom has the walls mudded, radiant floor tubing installed and the packed adobe floor is in and nearly all dried. The light switches are in and the electricity is connected. The ceiling fan is in and running (so as to help dry the floor.) There’s some door trimming for the MBath and a door and hardware to install (15 mins, tops), but it ain’t stopping me from moving in.

The stripped bark pine post that goes in the corner of the MBedroom will be bolted in and Closet-That’s-Bigger-Than-The-Small-Spare-Room doorframe needs trimming out, too, but no door is being installed. Why have one? I don’t close closet doors EVER! Not since the late ‘70’s when I came kicking and screaming out of the closet I’d been living in then. It’s a morality issue for me. And iconic. Symbolic. ICK!

All of the main living area walls are mudded. The two small bathrooms are cement stuccoed and will be lime plastered in the next (last) couple of weeks. Tiling will be done on the Guest Wing bathroom manana. The rest of the radiant heat tubing started going in today and will be complete manana. Inspection has to happen for the heating before they can pour the rest of the floors. That should happen…manana or manana + a day.

The trench for the propane line will be dug…manana, and Jerimiah (the dirt mover from the Great Qwest Dig Debacle) will bury my septic tank and line while he’s at it. I’ll be stationed between him and the house while he’s operating the heavy machinery. With my shotgun, I’ll be between him and the house. (see I’m a Bitch blog entry)

Lighting is being slowly installed. They brought toggle switches but not faceplates to match, or they brought faceplates but not the toggle switches. Maroons! It’s taken ‘em three days to do A DAY’S worth of work. The plumber installed the water heater, but hasn’t been back to install the boiler for the radiant heat system. He makes me angry, but he does good work. The boiler and its tie-ins are all that’s left to do plumbing-wise. Well, and the inspection. Pffffff.











Is my To-Do list getting shorter, or am I forgetting stuff?






Kitchen Cabinets/Countertops: ordered and being built. Three to four weeks.
Bathroom Vanities: One on Friday, the other in a coupla weeks.
Interior Doors: Ordered, will be picked up Friday. Installed next week or after floors have hardened.
Lighting Fixtures: All necessary ones are installed, electrical is hooked up and working. Rest will be gotten within two weeks.


Plumbing: Completed and inspected by end of week
Exterior Stucco: **Just found out this has to be done. So, by next week**
Bancos: Planned today, built and installed before rest of floors get poured.
Major Appliances: Any damn time I manage to get to the store to get ‘em!
Toilets: Two to go. This weekend, fer sure!

All the trim stuff (shower curtains, window treatments, towel racks, etc.): As soon as I can find someone to go shopping with me to keep my goofy side from overruling my refined taste.
Mexican Tiles: I’m rethinking this detail….(the countertops are to DIE FOR! I don’t want a clash of cultures going on.)
Fireplace: **Another Must Do NOW update**. I’ll go in search of…next week. (Weee!!)
Fencing: Hmmmm. Before Thankgiving. {I may be entertaining Lego & Monsterdog over the Day of the Bird holiday. AND my favorite blog goddess, Jane Devin may be staying awhile with her dog Hanna as they flee the soul-stealing wilds of Minn-a-SO-tah. They need refuge. I have one. They can stay.}

I feel myself getting giddy. I should stop right here.

Bottom line: By the end of October I should have a Certif. of Occupancy and be fully enwombed in my Tits 2 the Wind Ranchita, running wild through a freshly completed house, following the LED glowing screen on my GPSr with the electronic crumb trails to guide me from Guest Wing to Master Suite, kitchen, Ventana Room, studio, Powder Monkey Room, garage and beyond!

Don’t nobody snort, snore, grouse, grumble or pooh-pooh this dream I’m having! I wanna enjoy it for just a bit longer before the pinch of our greedy, money-grubbing, oil-encrusted, total-waste-of-protoplasm national ‘leaders’ manage to foreclose on me in their huge ruse of a bailout scheme effort to save their rich pals’ golden parachutes.

Awight?
Awight!

Thanks for traveling along this dusty trail alongside me, those of you who’ve trusted me and stuck it out with me. You’ve earned a free night’s stay! The rest of ya? Well, I let the kids ‘earn back’ grades/trust/their souls, so why not YOU, too? WTF?

Manana times four mijas y mijitos = THE 400TH DAY!! Imbibe some fine rum instead of yer regular swill on that day and know that I’m running Tits To The Wind through mi casa!